Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Bloom-Where-You-Are-Planted Run

I set out on my last run extremely hopeful. I stretched and set up my music just like old times. My playlist had 36 songs on it. You can probably tell by the number of songs that I was feeling just a little bit ambitious for a girl still coming back from a major injury. I like to think I'm an incurable optimist rather than a glutton for punishment :)

It was HOT outside and I LOVED it! The sun felt amazing on my skin. 



The beginning was like a drug and I quickly settled into the far away place I go to when I run. I made it about a mile when I noticed my leg making some noise.

I really wanted to keep going so I pushed on.

But a familiar whisper popped in my head, thankfully just a little bit louder than my will and my pride and the noise my leg continued to make. 

If you continue on and you don't listen to your body you will risk starting back at square one.

I immediately recognized the whisper, and I began to slow down little by little, eventually giving in (in spite of myself) and walking; albeit begrudgingly.

I walked.
And I walked.
And I walked some more.

Now I didn't want to be walking, mind you. I was completely pi$$ed off doing it. Whenever I have had to walk while running it has felt like defeat to me. I was talking to myself and beating myself up the whole way. 

Seriously? You can't  run more than 1 mile without walking? You ran 26.2 miles 7 months ago. 

7 months ago.
SEVEN months ago.
SEVEN MONTHS AGO??

And then it hit me. Oh my gosh, where has the time gone? The marathon was 7 months ago and here I am reliving it like it were yesterday. The truth is it's past. It's gone, and with it more than I could ever put into words.

What the heck am I doing? Is this really who I am? Is this really who I want to be? I'm turning into a has-been.

We all know a has-been. It's the person constantly talking about the past and the way it used to be or how great they once were if it weren't for that one set back. Eventually it sabotages their entire future.

The whole thing conjured up this image of the stereotypical high school football star with the bad knee that never makes it back to his glory day so he sits and uses it as an excuse to do a whole lot of nothing.

And days go by.
And they turn into years.
And years.
And more years.

And before long he's old and bitter and he realizes how much he's missed out on right in front of him while he spent all his time looking behind him.

Disclaimer: Not picking on football players. I suppose it could have been a cheerleader or a marathon chick ;) But anyway....


No bueno.

At this point I had finally made it walking up the hill and I had reached a big beautiful field. I saw countless dandelions growing wild and scattered about. 



As I continued past I remembered stretching at the bottom of my steps and the lone little dandelion I had noticed pre-run growing there in the crack of the sidewalk.




It was in that moment that I started to think. 

I could continue wishing I were somewhere I am not. Or I could make the decision to bloom where I have been planted. Sure I could continue to look back at the marathon and the training and how much further I was back then. I could ask why a million times and seek a closure I would likely never get.

Take the photographs and still frames in your mind.
Hang them on a shelf in good health and good times.

Or 

I could embrace this new time of my life, starting from where I am right now. Who knows what my new journey will bring. 

For what it's worth it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable 
But in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I really did have the time of my life.

And with that I made the decision to do the latter.

It was a long way back but I was moving forward. I walked and then I ran and then I walked again, all the while keeping the faith & hope that I would eventually get where I was going.

Bloom where you are planted.