Thursday, July 20, 2017

Asking questions when you don't have answers

I remember when I used to have all the answers. Well; kind of. When my life was predictable and safe it was so easy to have answers. I just kind of stayed in the bubble of what I knew. These days, outside the bubble, I feel at times like I'm clamoring around.

Who am I?

I often think of the words of my friend, Jim Callan...

You are not what you do.
You are not what you own.
You are not who people say you are.

Ok. So who am I?

I meditated on that the other evening on a walk. Deepak Chopra says we are our deepest desire, though society and most of the world tells us we are most definitely not. Often when we trust and follow our personal desires, we are seen as selfish.

I don't really know for sure yet what I believe. What I do know is that as hard as it is, since trusting myself more, it's within this effortless breath of being and learning to love unconditionally, both myself and others, that I'm finding a new sense of peace and presence. I am more present, more often these days than I have ever been in my whole life.

I had a hard 3 mile run last night and as the sun was getting ready to set, I found myself wondering if I ever really did have all the answers, or if I simply lived my life within the questions I knew and was comfortable with.

New questions bring new answers.

It's easy to know the answers when you ask the same safe and predictable questions. It takes courage to ask new questions. It takes even more courage to not have the answers everyone wants and expects you to have. But you know what? Sometimes you just don't know. And in the words of Maya Angelou......"You do the best you can, and when you know better, you do better."

Who am I?

The truth is, I'm not totally sure who I'm growing into. I've always defined myself by my jobs, my roles, my titles, other people's opinions, my past. I've never asked myself that question when every single label and title has been stripped away.

What I do know?

I am not what I do.
I am not what I own.
And I am most definitely not, who people think or say I am.