“The rest of your life starts today”
I will never forget this quote from
our wedding toast. I was a 27 year old young girl that I barely recognize
today. I still remember feeling the gravity of those words on that day. The
rest of my life is starting today….
At 40 years old while running today
(my newest hobby) that quote popped in my head. It’s an ordinary day. I’m doing
what I always do, nothing special. And it dawns on me. The rest of my life
starts today- here, imperfect, sweaty & un-showered at the gym. And the
gravity with which it hits me is the same gravity I felt 13 years ago in my big
white dress. But at 40 I’m starting to realize that every day I am fortunate
enough to wake up….. the rest of my life starts. Life doesn’t wait for
perfection. Every day is a gift. In my 20′s at my wedding hearing this
statement felt like I had reached a landmark destination of sorts. I had made
it. At 40 I am seeing the journey instead & I am actually starting to
appreciate it. My journey has included the heartbreak of losing my parents
& my family, the comfort of good friends, making mistakes, repeating
mistakes, repeating them yet again… learning lessons, love, trauma, crisis,
babies, deaths, accomplishments, sorrows, bumps in the road & moments of
sheer bliss. An imperfect journey to say the least, but my unique journey.
My life is finally starting to make
some sense to me. Maybe I’m simply starting to accept who I am & where I am. A close friend
recently told me that if I could just accept things as they are for now, I
might feel better. At first that seemed crazy to me. I was a fighter & a
survivor my entire life. I was the queen of wanting more, demanding perfection
of myself & others in my life & accepting nothing short of it.
Acceptance had always been so hard for me & until that moment I never
realized it. Finally, giving myself over to it felt like a weight had been
lifted off my shoulders. It wasn’t exactly perfect or how I wanted it right
now, but that was suddenly ok. Acceptance was just what I needed.
I’m not perfect. I’m not black &
white. I’m gray most of the time. I’m typically not a “yes” or “no” person.
I’m usually a “maybe” person. I believe that anything is possible. I
rarely lose hope in the people I love & the things I believe in. I hate
making decisions. I love to help people. I love to snuggle. I love to be loved
passionately & I won’t settle for less. I like to run even though I’m not
great at it. I almost always have good intentions but I sometimes still seem to
hurt the ones I care about. I’m human. It has taken me a long time to accept my
goodness alongside my shortcomings but I think I’m finally on the right track.
My life isn’t perfect & I accept
that. I’m learning to live with what I have today & trust that it is just
what I need for today. I will still aspire to do great things & even “have
it all” at times. But after all, the rest of my life will start again tomorrow
if I am blessed enough to wake in the morning.