Monday, June 23, 2014

Marathon Training Wk 3: Discontent

So I made it through week 3. Here's how my week went...

I've had this pain on my right side; my right quad, right calf, right ankle and even my right shoulder. I've tried to ignore it but finally decided to give in and be proactive for a change. I called my tried and true chiropractor and she got me in on Tuesday. I thought my hip may have gone out again from the road slant but it turned out to be related to my computer believe it or not! She asked me if I had been sitting in my work chair with my leg folded under me. I was like, how did you know that?? Apparently doing so had made my piriformis muscle very unhappy!

So after some reallyyyy painful time on her table, (with her working muscles I never even knew existed!!) I hopped off feeling instantly better!

Tues night I ran 3 pain free miles and felt great. 9:12 pace, time 27:39
Wednesday was my daughter Olivia's birthday. I ended up running my scheduled 5 miles but there's a story behind that one. My pace was 9:07, with my total time 45:54. Here's how it went...

Liv was tired and not feeling well on her birthday. She was grumpy. 

I was grumpy.

We celebrated, or attempted to, in spite of our grumpiness. The birthday girl picked pizza for dinner. I picked it up in a rush on my way home from work. It was a rush to celebrate before her soccer game then it was a rush after to get everyone in bed.

Her cute little smile here was the high point :)

Make a wish....

Still, I was exhausted. And did I mention I was grumpy? I also still had 5 miles waiting for me.

And guess what?

It was now raining.

After hosting my own private pity party, I finally took myself and my Corkins disposition and went to bed. With my running clothes on.

I laid there angry and ready to quit. 

I will never be able to sustain this. There aren't enough hours in a day. I can't work full time with an hour plus commute, parent 2 girls, maintain a small business, and train for a marathon. It's just not possible. The heck with it.

I wallowed in this as I laid in bed (still in running clothes) for a good half hour. Then I looked at the clock. It was 10:15. The thought popped in my head that if I left right then I could run and be back in bed by 11:30.

I'm not sure what got me up but I just got out of bed and walked out the door & started running into the dark rainy night. After pounding out my frustration & attitude the first mile, I settled into my familiar pace. I made the decision to like the rain & after awhile it actually felt good. 

I returned home much more centered. I offered an apology for my temper tantrum & went to bed, sleeping like a baby until 6am. 

Thursday was a 12 plus hour workday. It was also Bob's memorial service. I went into the service feeling sad. I had googled his name & absolutely zero came up. It was as if in the eyes of the world he never even existed. Interestingly, this indigent man with no family, no next of kin & no trace of an online existence, filled half of the church with people there to celebrate his life. Who came? His physician, people in his support groups, his Tops checkout girl, me, and many others. Bob had a way of connecting with all the people he came across in his daily routine & life. He connected in the moments that most of us rarely pay much mind to. I mean who doesn't text while the checkout person is scanning your groceries? 

Bob didn't. 

Note to self. Be more present.

I ran another late nighter Thursday when I finally got home, 3 miles, 8:30 pace, 25:35 time.

I was off on Friday so I did strength training at the gym and cross training on an elliptical machine.

My long run on Saturday was tough, especially the last mile. I planned my route Friday night. It was supposed to be a beautiful day so I mentally mapped out a 10 mile lake side route. I only live about a mile from the lake. The challenge with the route is that it's super hilly. My mind loves running it while looking at the view & the amazing homes. My body? Not so much. It was challenging to say the least.

You can see why I love it.

I found this little water station at a pump house along my route and got to have an unexpected drink! Hoping it was clean water :)

I knew better than this but I wore brand new sneakers. This is a big no-no on a long run. Fortunately I only ended up with one blister. 

I wish I could say that I got some new insight from my long run this week but I didn't. It was just really hard. I wanted to stop multiple times. I just can't shake this tiny nagging discontent feeling lately. I keep telling myself there is absolutely no reason for it. Everything is as it should be. Everything is as it needs to be. 

Just the same the tiny nagging doesn't go away. 

Maybe a small dose of discontent can be the first step toward growth and change. After all, acting on the discontentment with my life and my body drove me to run my very first mile 3 years ago, right? Maybe discontentment is the first step to something bigger, something better? All good but still hard to sit with when you are the one experiencing it.  

The only thing I know for sure is that I'm supposed to keep running. I'm supposed to keep going. Giving up is not an option.

Oddly, the mix of the pleasure and the pain of running soothes my soul. It makes me feel alive. I used to think that was strange until I started reading, Ultra Marathon Man by Dean Karnazes.

"During a period of great emptiness in my life I turned to running for strength..... 
Pain and suffering are often catalysts for life's most profound lessons."   Dean Karnazes  

Maybe there's a lesson around the corner. I having a feeling there might be.

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